Of Splendor in the Grass

This was sent via email, but I don't know the original source.  I think it's hilarious.

Mitt Romney’s New Ward

If Mitt Romney becomes President of the US (aka POTUS), his family will be assigned to the Washington DC 3rd Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

So if you are the Bishop for the 3rd Ward, ya gotta be wondering:

1. Will you allow an inaugural ball to be held in the cultural hall? Do you mount security cameras on top of each basketball rim and have a secret service detail stationed on the stage?

2. Can you call Mitt and Ann as the Nursery leaders… even if you really feel inspired?

3. Who is going to home teach them?

4. If Harry Reid and Mitt Romney are in the same High Priest group, will they behave responsibly, or do you need to be there to keep order?

5. Exactly how will tithing settlement work? Will the Secretary of the Treasury come, too? Or would the Fed Chairman be a better choice?

6. Will you be inviting the new Romney family to speak in Sacrament Meeting… and if they go a little over, at what point do you ask them to sit down?

7. Will the Secret Service do a sweep of the building before each meeting?

8. Can you call the Secret Service agents to help out in Primary?

9. If you give Mitt a calling and the pair of token Democrats in the ward raise their hand AGAINST sustaining him - then what?!!

10. If you can’t give them a calling, and they don’t attend very often, will that mean they’re ‘inactive?’ If they’re not active, can you give them a Temple Recommend? And if you do, can they go? How will the Secret Service screen the temple?

And if you’re assigned to be the Romneys’ Home or Visiting Teacher:

1. Can you just drop by when you are in the neighborhood, without an appointment?

2. Can you even call them for an appointment, or do you have to go through the Chief of Staff?

3. Can you bring by Christmas sweets and cookies? Will they be screened by the Secret Service first? If so, is this a missionary opportunity to share the gospel?

4. If you don’t come teach the Romneys regularly, can the IRS do an audit on you?

5. Will they want to do a national security background check?

6. Do you have to have a permanent teaching companion assigned who has been vetted? Can you just grab any teacher or priest to come with you? What if they are Democrats?

7. Do you have to help him move in and out of the White House?

8. If Ann Romney gets sick, are you allowed to bring in meals or at least tell the Relief Society President about it?

9. What can you share with the Bishop about the Romneys?

10. Do you have to ask them about their year’s supply?

11. If you get a late night call for a blessing, will reporters follow you around wanting to know what was wrong and what you said? And if the reporters offer remuneration in exchange for your time, does it all have to be donated or just the standard 10-percent tithe?